This is going to hurt a little bit...

I just got out of the weekly clinical meeting at my internship, which lasted for about 2 hours. It's always interesting to me how uncomfortable I am in this meeting, and how much I resist volunteering any information to the group, even though I have lots to share. For example, today's topic was social anxiety disorder, and I have a client who has some of the elements of this condition. I didn't say a word.

I know that my reluctance is partly due to the fact that I've always been a bit shy about participating in group discussion. The bulk of the problem, though, is that all of the full time staff here have their doctoral degrees, and this fact matters very much to them. In last week's meeting, one staff member made disdainful reference to people with 'only' graduate degrees who are employed as counselors. Her statement went something along the lines of 'I can't believe that they would allow people with graduate degrees to provide counseling. That's just wrong.'

Okay. Those of you who know me personally (and those of you who regualrly read my blog) understand that I sometimes feel like I am unqualified to provide counseling. On occasion, I examine my position here and I wonder just how I was able to trick my employers into letting me provide these services. During these times, I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. This makes the objectionable comment even more problematic, because, without her knowing it, she's tapping into my fears about doing this job, and being able to professionally do this job when I graduate in May (which will be here in no time at all). I marvel at the fact that I will be able to practice with two years of study in this field.

Most of the time, however, I know that I am meant to be a social worker. Since I've started this program, I've researched and studied and put in extra time because I know that it means something. I work so hard at equipping myself with knowledge and at examining my reactions so that I am prepared. It feels like I am living and breathing this profession. That is likely to be the case for the rest of my life.

So I'm angry...angry that one statement can make me feel this way. I'm particularly bothered that it came from someone whose profession is defined by the ability to listen and empathize non-judgementally. And since I don't even have my degree yet, and am providing counseling in her center, how 'wrong' does she think that is?