More Running Advice

Suggestion To Self: In the future, schedule long training runs on Saturday, rather than Sunday, as Saturday night tends to be a difficult time to practice common sense.

Case In Point: EB's bachelorette party on Saturday night in which massive amounts of Mexican food, tequila and [shudder] Jager-bombs are consumed, followed by 11.5 miles on Sunday morning at 8:00 am. (Who was I to say no? I was surrounded by a pack of 26 year olds and felt duty bound to represent the over-30 age group.)

Let's put it this way - you did not want to be anywhere near me during that run.

The only comfort I can glean from this experience is that next weekend's race should be easier without yesterday's obstacles.

Weight

When I stepped on the scale yesterday after my training session with C., I was pleasantly surprised to note that I have lost some weight. I'm not quite sure how this occurred, since I continue to be The Girl Who Ate Manhattan, and Parts Of Brooklyn, Too.

And this morning, I remembered why I never weigh myself, as lower numbers on the scale apparently give me license to indulge in McDonald's fries (large) and a Starbuck's Soy Mocha (venti).

Later today, I'm leaving the office early (comp time!) and going on a 6 mile run in this beautiful weather to atone for my sins. Perhaps I should do this while covered in tinfoil/saran wrap.

Gotta Have...

"To choose what is difficult all one's days, as if it were easy, that is faith."
WH Auden

I'm struggling with my faith this week. (No, not religious. Geez. In general. Faith in general. Generic faith, if you will. )

Small leaps of faith allow me to get out of bed in the morning and leave my apartment and be present throughout my day.

I'm not sure what to say about the larger jumps. I'm looking for signs that things are going to work themselves out. This annoys me, because things and stuff and whatnot always DO work themselves out for the best, in their own time, and this is rarely evident while all the things and stuff and whatnot are going on.

Maybe I need to make 3 lists, each titled with "things", "stuff", and "whatnot" so I can realize how insignificant they are. (They will not be important, at some given point in time. This I know.)

Or I could write some haiku. Or be unrepentantly silly. (Or understand that those two things are not mutually exclusive.)

Or do anything else that reinforces that I can just be.

I Am A Hobbit

My appetite / eating is out of control lately. Out of control.

I find myself eating second and third breakfasts, and then multiple lunches and dinners. Example: on Friday evening, I took down a pita filled with roast chicken / cheese / hot sauce. An hour later, I had 4 empanadas and a large salad. Yet another hour later, I finished an entire pint of ice cream. And then I got out of bed around 11:00 pm to have a snack (graham crackers with peanut butter & soymilk). The rampage continued for most of the weekend. (The highlight might have been the cheeseburger with avocado and bacon, accompanied by a baked potato the size of my head and loads of Easter candy, consumed with MS on Saturday night.)

J. assures me that he was eating 4 or 5 pints of ice cream per week at the height of his marathon training. I guess that is something to keep in mind as I troll the aisles of the grocery store, looking for my next fix - that it's all about the running.

Addendum: I'm definitely thinking about the training as I sit here and chug a 32 oz. Gatorade (56 grams of carbs, yo!) because it's scientifically formulated. There's even a diagram with chemical compounds and a human body, so you know it's true.

Operationalizing My Environment

I was feeling a little...wild...when I arrived at work this morning, and realized that I needed to make some adjustments if I was going to have a 'successful' day (and when I say successful, I mean, a day spent actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing, rather than trolling my thoughts).

So I comprised a list of the stuff that I need to do...

And made another list of the stuff that is bothering me...

I had another cup of coffee...

I stretched, took a deep breath, and made myself smile at my reflection in my office mirror...

'Borrowed' an extra lamp from our supply room, and turned off my overhead fluorescent light...

Got out of my personal email, and logged in to Pandora...

And somehow felt less complicated than before.

TURN IT OFF

While filling out chart notes for a client, I stated that she had purchased a 'sound machine' to help with relaxation exercises.

And this led to thinking about Miami Sound Machine (of all things) and now 'The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You' is stuck on a loop in my head.

Oh dear lord I wish I was kidding about this.

Water. Everywhere.

I got caught out in the rain this morning.

I had to go to the UWS to pick up my tax return (a futile venture, because I don't have enough money in my checking account to pay for preparation of said tax return, which means I'll be going up there tomorrow morning again) then to the hospital emergency department to check for any reports from the overnight shift and finally to my office.

It was not a good morning to be outside. I arrived at work soaking wet, and had to wear sweatpants for most of the morning while my work pants dried by the heater (classy!).

The positive thinking might not cut it today. I believe I'm going to require some Ben & Jerry's.

Bright, Bright Sunshiny Day

Yesterday evening, I medicated my grumpiness with sushi, white wine, tasti-delite (thanks for the suggestion, Caitlin) and the company of a good friend.

And later on in the night, when we arrived home, with rum over ice, poured into a coffee cup. (I'm not sure why I used a coffee cup. But there's something delightfully trashy about it.)

Today, a new tactic. Positive thinking: I ran six miles this morning. It's sunny. The bakery across the street still had raisin bran muffins when I arrived at 11:00 am (they're usually sold out). My new shampoo smells great. At last count, 8 people will be traveling to watch me race on the 29th even though it is far away and absurdly early. I live in New York City. I'm getting a tax refund. The weekend will be here soon.

I'm just going to continue like this all day and see where it leads me. I'll probably manage to annoy myself and others, but I'm committed.

Grumpy Dwarf

I'm not feeling it today. At all.

I set out this morning to complete a 6 mile run. Easy, right? Well, for some reason, I decided I would do a lap around the perimeter of Central Park instead of my usual Hudson River route. And I was all psyched and ready...

...until I got out there and my oatmeal was sitting like a lump in my stomach, and pedestrians were in my way, and it was cold, and blustery, and I narrowly avoided stepping in a huge pile of dogshit, and my knees were bitching, and I was tired 2 blocks in.

So I turned around at 89th Street and ran home.

I think I just really need it to be Spring. And when I say Spring, I mean - I need the weather to be better. I need to be able to sit outside. I need to get a slight tan. I need to wear my new sandals.

I need a lot of things that aren't going to happen today.

All Work, No Play

Taking a Mental Health Day (as I did on Friday) is good in theory, but not so good in practice when you return to a gazillion urgent phone messages and a mountain of paperwork, including a new grant application due within one month.

Running should be fairly intense this week as April 29th is approaching sooner than I would like it to (note to self: staying up all night on Saturday does not make for good training conditions on Sunday).

Mentally, I just need to be okay with where I am, and trust that I don't need to take any drastic action to get where I need to be. And to know that I am beautiful and loved. (Cryptic? Maybe. But not to me. )

But really, the biggest task in front of me this week is to exist on the $.74 in my checking account and the loose change at the bottom of my wallet until Friday payday.

My Body Is A Wonderland

5 years ago, when I left The Nightmare Fiance (also known in some circles as Dodged A Bullet With That One) I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands, and sitting around thinking about The Cancelled Wedding wasn't really doing it for me. So I embarked upon a fitness/diet plan which I quickly became obsessed with. After a few weeks of getting up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym, and carefully monitoring my eating habits, I started to feel a difference. I wasn't weighing myself, but I had more energy, and I was fitting into clothing I hadn't worn in a long time.

At week 7, everyone noticed. People I barely knew were stopping to ask me how much weight I had lost. Friends said that I looked 'skinny'. Most memorably, I met up with Ex-Fiance to return the engagment ring and was gratified to see his surprise at how I had changed. (Never, never underestimate the power of walking away from someone for the last time and feeling like you have the upper hand.)

This week, I'm having a similar experience (not with an Ex, since there are none around to spite at the moment) wherein lots of people are suddenly seeming to notice the changes in my body. But here's what's different: my attitude. Because lately, I've just been running and weight training, with no goal other than finishing this race on the 29th. I'm finally appreciating the solidness of my legs for their strength. I'm allowing myself to eat a lot because I know that I need the fuel. For the first time in a long time, I feel comfortable in my body.

So watch out, 13.1 miles. I'm just about ready, and I'm coming for you. Soon.

Weekend

Friday: J. and I went here to see them. Amazing. At one point, I leaned back into J. and we were sort of swaying along to the music and the lights and I felt completely happy and calm, and slightly giddy at the same time.

Saturday - Day: Subway ride of shame from the LES (why, yes, I always go out for coffee and bagels in the morning dressed in sparkly sandals and massive bedhead) followed by 5 mile run along the Hudson followed by my dad picking up me and 10 pounds of laundry for a trip out to The Jerz.

Saturday - Night: Preparation for The Peanut's birthday party.

Sunday - Morning: I skip church (and the possibility of an awkward set-up) to run 8 miles. Yup, 8 miles. In about 90 minutes. I then rush over to The Peanut's birthday party (princess theme, of course) for a blur of small children, relatives, confetti, and cake. And the sweetest 3 year old in the world. The Peanut is my BFF.

Sunday - Night: Unofficial birthday party for JP at The Gaf, including multiple games of Big Buck Hunter, leading into...

Monday - Morning:...a slight case of the Guinness flu, which I am attempting to medicate with a cranberry muffin and a gallon of water.

Running Advice

Don't wear a thong while you're running long distances.

Just take my word on this one.

Decisions, Decisions

My office is fucking freezing right now.

Every weekend, they turn the heat off. It takes forever to warm up again on Monday mornings. I'm guessing that the full heat will kick in tomorrow, just in time for the predicted 74 degree weather.

As for today, I *do* have a space heater. The problem with using the space heater is that it tends to blow a fuse if someone uses the microwave while it's on, and there is no-one to fix a blown fuse since our regular maintenance guy is on vacation, and his boss is also on vacation - a fact that I only discovered last Friday when we called to report that part of our ceiling had fallen down (for reals) and they tried to page both our maintenance guy and then his boss, only to figure out after 20 minutes of non-responsiveness that they were out of the office, and then tried to tell me that it couldn't be fixed until April 2nd (when they get back), and only hired and sent over an outside contractor to repair the ceiling after I threatened to call my union.

Point being, I think I can only use the 'I'm going to complain to my union' card once. And also, if I actually called my union, they'd probably be like, 'And you are...?'

So now I need to decide if I can risk a blown fuse (and thus, no computer access) or if I am doomed to shiver in my office for another 4 hours. Hm.

F Yeah, I'm A Runner

This morning, I woke up bright and early (read: 10:00 am), created a new running mix on my iPod (read: heavy on music of the loud and angry variety), clipped my pedometer to my shirt (read: I am a huge dork), and headed down to Hudson River Park (read: not so much a park but a path along the West Side Highway) for a training run.

I ran (read: jogged) for 80 minutes. 80 minutes. I could not tell you how I did this, or what I was thinking about.

At the end of this insanity, my pedometer told me that I had only completed 3 miles. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Luckily, Orangeman Mike had posted about this training tool on his blog. When I got home, I typed in my route, hit 'calculate' and hoped for the best.

I ran 7.49 miles today. I am psyched. I am not so in love with my pedometer.

PS: Saw this movie last night with J. Lots of silliness - I highly recommend.

Dodgeball Is Random

All season I've kinda...bitched...about dodgeball. It's on the UES, so it requires a lot of subway travel and a cross-town bus during rush hour, which is annoying. And there are these teams that are really intense and throwing the ball really hard and I'm afraid of getting hit in the face and then there's the slight social awkwardness of being on a team with people that you don't know at all and trying to make small talk each week.

The Lawyer is able to shrug all of this off, because she just likes throwing the ball at people. Hard.

Last night, something strange happened. I had fun. Here's why:

- During the first round of games, I caught a ball that was thrown at me, which means that I eliminated the thrower from the other team AND brought back in a previously eliminated teammate. In other words, I was actually able to contribute to a victory.

- Our games against the feared Alpha-male team (The Headhunters, and they all have nicknames on the back of their shirts like 'The Wolf' and 'The Hitman', for God's sake) were over relatively quickly with no serious injuries.

- Bon Jovi comes on the bar jukebox. I fist pump. The Lawyer points at me and says 'Jersey in the House'.

- N. and I procured a free pitcher of beer from a woman who claimed to work for Budweiser. We had to pose for several pictures which will probably turn up somewhere on the internet at some point, but hey, free beer.

- During the free pitcher/picture taking, The Lawyer got stuck going to a diner for about 45 minutes with one of our more annoying team members, which is pretty funny.

- Later on in the night, I got caught up in some heavy geek foreplay when one of my other team members was showing me his new Blackberry. For about half an hour. And he was visibly nervous when I started playing with the buttons. I love geeks.

- Around 11:30, I rediscovered my love for Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel Bites. My cab driver probably wasn't psyched about that one.

Today, dilemma. Do I sign up for another season? Or was last night an anomaly brought on by rain, spring weather, and too much Budweiser?

Indulged

Last night, I met up with J. to watch the Syracuse/Clemson NIT quarter-final game.

I think we all know how it turned out. (Or maybe we don't, since it was the NIT, and who watches NIT games, other than Syracuse alumni and the group of drunk Englishmen at the bar who befriended us and became temporary college basketball fans? In case you fall outside of those categories, the good guys lost.)

Syracuse was behind for almost the entire game, but managed to play a little more aggressively and go on a bit of a scoring run late in the 2nd half. Coincidentally, this occurred while I was listening to a story that J. was telling instead of watching the television.

Because I am weird, I became convinced that in order for Syracuse to win, I needed to not watch the rest of the game. And so I deliberately turned away and ordered J. to continue telling stories, preferrably on the same subject matter. This lasted for about 3 minutes, until I demanded to know what was happening in the game.

J. then spent the next 20 minutes or so narrating the game for me, while I alternately squeezed his hand and leaned my head against his chest. Not only did he describe the game, he noted baskets made by my favorite players (that 'white punk kid' and the 'tattooed dunker-guy') and actively rooted for Syracuse.

When it was over, and I had stopped swearing, he bought me a drink and deflected the unsympathetic questions of the aforementioned Englishmen. It's not often that you connect with someone who not only defers to your oddities, but actually participates in them.

I think he's a keeper. For now.

Extra Credit

ridiculouschick, a 34 yo. social worker, passes her Social Work Licensing Exam. The appropriate response is:

a) immediately call friends and family to inform them of the good news and to thank them for dealing with/supporting her insanity over the past week

b) run a 5K 'race' against herself on the treadmill while watching the UNLV/Wisconsin game (and set a personal best time while doing so)

c) make arrangements with The Librarian to go out for dinner and drinks

d) all of the above

Things That Make Me Cry, Part II

I returned to my office this afternoon to find a beautiful bunch of roses, sent by my brother, my SIL, and The Peanut, wishing me well on this little exam I'm taking on Sunday.

(Also, worth noting that The Peanut has begun to state that her career goal is to be a 'Princess Social Worker'. This is probably because my family has been making an effort to emphasize that Princesses (her current obsession) have jobs other than looking pretty and getting married. )

Still Studying

ridiculouschick, a 34 yo. caucasian female, has a preoccupation with cake and other
baked goods. the social worker's BEST intervention would be to:

a) explore her feelings around dessert and her history of eating,
bingeing, and body image

b) suggest that the desserts represent a sublimation of unacceptable
urges and desires

c) refer the client to a physician and/or neurologist

d) bake a cake for the client