I Can See The Future

Just down the street from my new office, there is a pizza place that has these little potato/broccoli croquets that are only $.75 each. We've been here since Monday, and I've had at least one each day.

I'm trying to convince myself that they are healthy (broccoli) but...no.

I can see my future, and it includes continued potato-y goodness...and possible weight gain.

Studying

Yeah, so I have my Social Work licensing exam on Sunday. It kinda snuck up on me. And when I say: kinda, I mean: I just started studying this week.

All of this cramming is causing me to think about everything in the format of the exam. For example:

1. ridiculouschick, a 34 yo. Social Worker, provides counseling to clients every day, but has not had individual clinical supervision since November 2006. This situation would BEST be described as:

a) opposite of the directives of the NASW Code of Ethics
b) really scary for ridiculouschick's clients
c) totally fucked up
d) all of the above

Training

The half-marathon training is...going.

I've reached a point where the 4 mile runs are supposed to be the easy ones. Sometimes they are. I surprised myself this weekend by running 5.7 miles continuously, after a week of being sick and not training at all. And this was along Hudson River Park, contending with helicopter landings and tourists and Sunday lollygagging and strong winds.

I'm trying to access the person that was a competitive athlete from ages 7-17 (swimming) but she's buried under years of inactivity and cigarette smoking. Back then, I could train for hours, pushing myself harder and harder. When I raced, something would always...click...and I'd be focused and strong and driving toward the finish line.

Now, I get distracted by tiredness, the slow upward ticking of the distance meter on the treadmill, and the occasional shiny object.

On April 29th, I'm hoping some kind of dormant muscle memory kicks in. Or maybe just that it will be one of those days when the running seems easy, and 13.1 miles pass before I even know it.

Haiku For My New Office Space

unplanned office move
'that's a waterbug - not roach!'
well, that's comforting

the head of nursing
welcomes us to the building
oh yes, there are mice

old x-ray machine
moldering down the hallway
hello, third eyeball!

listing positives
miss mary fucking sunshine
oh god just shut up

THANK YOU

I'd just like to shout a big huge thank you to the fuckwits at the NCAA tournament selection committee for excluding Syracuse from this year's college basketball tournament.

And let's not leave out the folks at CBS (Greg Gumble, I'm looking in your direction) who kept expressing their shock in regards to this omission. Way to rub it in, guys.

As The Reporter so eloquently put it: "It's like they've cancelled Christmas.'

Misery

You all have permission to shoot me right in the head if I ever refer to a conversation as 'dialoguing' with someone, or if I take to wearing clothing appliqued with kittens or holiday themes.

That is all.

Hmmm

Too much analysis leads to paralysis.

I'm kinda stuck here, people. I know there are choices in front of me, but I'm having trouble taking them.

So I'm gonna sit here. Eat some ice cream. Think. Nap. Read blogs. Dream.

'I'm not the girl you once put your faith in, just someone who looks like me.'

Bad to Worse

This morning, on my walk back from my school to my job, I had to abruptly sit down on someone's (beautiful brownstone) front steps because I almost passed out.

Stress? Illness? General tiredness?

I'm not sure, but I think it's time for me to stop self-diagnosing and seek medical advice.

Bad Day

Yesterday morning, I ignored the important rule of NYC transit, and took a seat on the subway where no-one else was sitting, only to discover that someone (or something) in the immediate area reeked of urine.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts, where my request for coffee with 'milk, no sugar' was interpreted as 'cream, 10 sugars', rendering the coffee almost undrinkable.

Arriving at work, I was confronted with a series of crises.

My grant documentation was returned, and I am missing a 20-page questionnaire. This puts the grant renewal in jeopardy, which would make me responsible for killing off the funding for the school project.

The department administrator shared the news that we are moving offices again within the next two weeks to a 'partially rennovated' warehouse space within the next two weeks.

My current office mate announced that she is leaving for another job. She is the only person there that I have really connected with.

I had not had time to pack my lunch, so I subsisted on an apple, peanut butter, cottage cheese and a protein bar all day, and then almost fainted during my 4 mile 'easy' training run last night.

Given the above, can anyone blame me for not wanting to get out of bed this morning?

(Just About) Halfway to the Half*

I ran 6 miles today. I RAN 6 MILES TODAY!

It didn't look at all good. When I'm running, my face turns bright red, and I sweat a lot. And I'm pretty sure that I was making strange breathing noises and, at times, (not so) silently mouthing lyrics from whatever was playing on my iPod. Also, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich an hour before running, and it made me a little...burpy.

But damn, it felt good. I'm still feeling good, good enough to maybe go to yoga tonight.

Alternately, The Lawyer's advice: 'Maybe you just need to get a grip on yourself and chill the fuck out.'

*Post title courtesy of MS, who helpfully reminded me that I'm halfway to my goal.

Blah, Blah, Blah

I don't seem to have coherent enough thoughts to comprise a solid post, so...

• Space continues to be an issue here at Dream Job. I lost my office 2 weeks ago, and had to move in with another Social Worker, which is kinda fun, but the physical office is kinda shitty. Actually, it's literally shitty at times, since it is connected to a bathroom which is frequently used by the nursing staff.
• Oh, and did I mention that I can turn from working at my desk and wash my hands in the 1960's era sink located directly to my right? I don't even have to stand up to do this. Score!
• Also, at any given point in the day, there are people in engineering uniforms measuring the hallway outside my new office and talking loudly on their wireless phones.
• Boys are kinda dumb. I (sorta) directly asked MySpace Guy to meet on purpose for a drink next time, a request which he chose to...ignore. Whatevs. Next!
• Speaking of Next!, DJ's friend and I had a 12 hour date on Monday night. I live in fear of The Jinx, so I'll just leave it at that. He might need an alias here, and his initials are already taken by someone mentioned on this blog. Hm. Very uncreatively, I shall name him LawStudent.
• I have dodgeball tonight, and my only stated goal is to 'not look like an idiot.' I think I'm kinda setting the bar a little high with that one.
• At MS's suggestion, I plugged my cable internet into my television. I now have 25 glorious channels, including numerous Spanish language stations and QVC. Score!
• I continue to make awesome decisions, like bypassing Taco Bell and the hotdog vendor at lunch today, and proceeding directly to the deli and a turkey sandwich. This was mostly motivated by the fact that someone will (probably) be seeing me naked within the next month.

Like, Totally

OMG!!!! You guys are like, never going to believe this. So, on Friday I went to this birthday party on the Lower East Side with DJ. And I have to say, I looked, like, totally cute. Like, super cute. So, anyway, we're at this small-ish party in this bar in this private room, and I look up from scarfing down this piece of amazing red velvet cake, and like, OMG!!!! it's MySpace Guy. Or, at least, I think it's MySpace Guy and we're at the same party!!!! Like, what the odds, right? I've had like, a super-big crush on this guy for, like, ever, ok? But I'm not sure it's him. I mean, I think it's him, but I really can't be sure because it's not like I spend time studying his pics or anything, right!?!?!? So, I'm not sure if I should go up to him because, like, what if it's not him, and that would totally suck and I'd be, like, totally embarrassed, and probably have to leave or something, or just like, hide in a corner for the rest of the night.. Plus, I was talking to this friend of DJ's who's also, like, super cute, and we've actually had a real conversation before, not just, like with MySpace Guy where he's my 'friend' and all, and, I mean, sure we message back and forth about Edward 40-hands and like, slutty Halloween costumes, and Cabbage Patch Kids, but, like, how much do I really, like, know him? I mean, I think he's my soulmate and all, but only after I get to know him a little more. So then I keep talking to DJ's friend, and MySpace Guy must have left because I didn't see him, and then it was tiime to go get hotdogs to go with the red velvet cake, but then you are never going to guess what happened?!?!?!?!? Like, I can't even believe it. MySpace Guy sent me a message asking if I was at that party. So, it was, like, so him. Out of, like the gazillion people in NYC!!!! So now I think we're like totally meant to be bf/gf. I really think we're perfect for each other. You can tell a lot from a cute boy's MySpace profile. OMG!!!!! I, like, totally need to change my pic to something waaaaaay cuter.

(This message was brought to you by the age 15.)

Oh And

My friend Kingswing sent this picture to me yesterday.

Was I a man in 1993? Apparently, the answer is yes.

[Correction: Kingswing said this was in the 1996-97 timeframe. But, luckily, still look mannish. ]

Little Pieces

- I have been sick for most of my 4-day weekend. Perhaps this is karmic retribution for calling out 'sick' last Thursday. Or just a message that I need to slow it down a bit.

- I just returned from the grocery store where I narrowly avoided purchasing more cake mix and frosting. Narrowly.

- After a few scant weeks of actual winter weather, I am longing for beach outings, symphony in Central Park, and Bryant Park movies. Or just to sit outside in the sun with a drink in my hand.

- It is perhaps funny, or sad, or both, that I was more achy after my first game of dodgeball last week than I am after working out with my trainer.

- I did some healing work with LK yesterday, which proved to me that being open is not quite the threat that I've always perceived it to be. I've spent a lot of energy trying to protect myself...and it all seems very silly right now.

- A conversation about bedbugs reminded me that it is a huge accomplishment that I've remained relatively clutter-free over the past year in my new apartment. I guess it took losing everything (twice) for me to discern what is necessary.

- Which, lately, is cake and Netflix.

Close

Saying that I am happy right now seems like a stretch...but I have my first two Netflix movies, 8 more episodes of Brothers & Sisters on abc.com, the most recent Us Weekly, and a 4 day weekend. I also managed to run 4 miles last night and finish off most of a 13 x 9 cake, so I guess that's something.

Be Mine, All Mine

Some might say that it's a little sad to bake yourself a cake on Valentine's Day.

I say: I get to lick the bowl and eat spoonfuls of frosting without having to share.

Relativity, Theoretically

So, as I stood on a chair in front of my bathroom mirror this morning, scrutinizing my thighs and wondering if all this running is actually making them thicker...

...I thought, yep, this is pretty crazy behavior...

...but at least I'm not strapping on a diaper and driving 900 miles because of "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic one".


(And I got that link by typing 'astronaut diaper' in Google. Heh.)

Ridiculouschick 101

Ok, I’m stumped.

I’ve been asked to serve as a panelist for a Teen Dating Violence / Teen Sexual Assault conference taking place next week (which is mystifying enough on its own) and I need to prepare a short biography.

Ugh. I hate writing about myself. (I’m also a nervous public speaker, but I’m just going to have to put that aside for the moment. One episode of paranoia at a time, please.)

Maybe I can just send my list of General Interests…or something about how I love long walks on the beach, unicorns, and Precious Moments figurines…my Virgoan astrological profile…a link to this blog?

Because nothing real or professional (or real professional) is coming to mind at the moment.

Or maybe, on the day of, I could just smile, give my name, and ask “How you like me so far?”

General Interests

Here's what I'm into...lately: spite, college basketball, yelling, yelling related to college basketball, ice cream, yoga, gin & tonic, sushi, tossing my hair, rolling my eyes, making the world safe, afternoon naps, ridiculousness, the drive-by eggings that are plaguing LA, confounding all those around me, coffee so strong my spoon stands up in it, subterfuge, brilliance, beautiful misapplications of the english language, random social experiments, endless games of 'would you be my friend if', dismantling patriarchy, composing a list of words i love, composing a list of words i hate, running.

Cross Training

Today is the official start of my 12 week training for this little race that I’ve been so preoccupied with since the start of the new year. As part of the program I am following, I need to cross train 2 days per week, which “could be swimming, cycling, walking, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, etc.”

Given the reality of my life, I am considering the following alternatives:

Fighting to squeeze into a packed subway car during rush hour.

Worrying about overdue bills.

Observing the extended internal battle between my pragmatism and romanticism.

Lugging work presentation materials all over the Greater New York area.

Devising new and inventive ways to flirt with someone via MySpace.

Competitive grocery shopping an hour before the start of the Superbowl.

Eye-rolling, hair tossing, and fist shaking.

Blog posting.