Feelings, Whoa Whoa Whoa...Feelings

So...all the blood tests for my mystery illness are turning up absolutely nothing.

Bearing in mind that I am a Mental Health Professional (tm The Lawyer) I guess the next thing to investigate is my psychological well being.

(Oh, BY THE WAY - thank you to everyone who checked in with me over the past few weeks, and especially to those who suggested that I might be pregnant. Ha! Wouldn't that have been a humdinger! Look at me! Laughing over here because that is SO FUNNY! See? I'm laughing.)

I'm moderately stressed out, but that isn't anything new. I've been 'moderately stressed out' since about 1997. The only difference I can pinpoint is my thought process, which feels particularly circular lately.

For example, in attempting to leave the house this morning, I could not decide what to wear...internally, it sounded something like this:

[ridiculouschick]: wow, these pants are feeling a little tight. are they looking tight? (attempt to see shape of body reflected in glass of a framed poster.) they are tight. why are they tight? they used to fit, no, they used to be loose. this is because i'm not doing the marathon and i haven't been to the gym in a while. oh man, i feel fat. wait, i don't just feel fat, i AM fat. and why am i paying $55 a month for the gym when i'm not going to the gym? i don't have that money to waste. i don't have money to get new clothes either. oh, and i just bough all those pants at banana republic and now they're not going to fit because i'm fat and i haven't been to the gym. why am i not going to the gym? it's my schedule. i can't go to the gym because of my work schedule. i need to get out of work earlier. but i can't leave work earlier because then i won't have enough clients and then i won't complete my hours to get my clinical license. i should get up earlier and go before work. but i can't see getting up any earlier than i have been, and i'm already exhausted, so that won't help. but i used to get up at 5 am to go to the gym when i was an engineer and i was skinny. right now, though, i'm fat and it's all my fault and...

I can't imagine continuing to read that would be any more pleasant than being the person who's experiencing it, so I'll just end here.