12.14.2005

Closure

An Open Letter To My Bedbugs:

Just about 24 hours from now, I'll be moving. Considering all of the time we've spent together over the past year, I didn't think it was right to leave without saying gooodbye. I want you all to know that I am taking some fond, fond memories with me as I move to my new apartment.

I mean, who could forget all those early morning hours when it was just the 10 of us - you recently fed and crawling back to your homes and me, covered with itchy red welts? Or what about the time when one of you bit my eyelid? Or when you started living in my computer keyboard? Good times! I've got to say that things got really interesting when you overturned your nocturnal habits and started hanging out with me during the day.

One of the nice things about living with you was that you always made me feel so wanted. You really went out of your way to show me that, and to make sure that I woke up with evidence that you had spent time with me during the night. I'll never have to doubt again that my blood is tasty and satisfying. And you were so innovative! Who knew that you could live through that many exterminations? (I hope you know I was only kidding about that. Really. I never meant to hurt you. It's just, you know, a girl's gotta have her own space sometimes.)

I know you'll miss me terribly, but I hope you'll be comforted by the fact that I will carry with me some souvenirs of our time together. Every time I look at the bite scars on my hands, arms and legs, I'll think of you. When I see a dark speck of dust or lint on my clothing or furniture, I'll believe that you've somehow made your way back to me. When I get in bed at night, I'm sure I will not sleep soundly, preferring to wake up intermittently to check my sheets. Yes, all of these things will continue for a long, long time, so don't worry that I'm going to forget about you.

I used to think that you were all using me, but really, I'm the lucky one. Thanks to your company, my life became so much...simpler. I'm just going to love living in my new place without most of my furniture and belongings - it'll be so clean and modern, minimalistic, even. You've really forced me (I know, I can be so stubborn sometimes, thanks for showing me that) to reassess what is essential in my life.

Kisses,
ridiculouschick

PS: You'll understand if I don't leave a forwarding address, right? Even the best relationships have to end sometimes.

14 comments:

the Caitlinator said...

Haha, I love this. How very eloquent.

Dumber said...

It is this humor in your writing that caught me a s a reader and you continued it excellently here. All the time I was waiting for that loss of composure and yet you held it clear to the end. Good job.

Dumb

Cootera said...

Here via 'Waiter Rant'. I have to say your letter had me chuckling... then I read your archives! Crikey, woman!! I feel for you!! What a wretched thing to have to live through AND deal with such a poophead leasing agency. Best of luck to you in your new dwelling. I'll be back to read again.

Anonymous said...

I was living in France last year and had my room invaded by insects which I thought were pigeon mites (since lots of noisy pigeons lived in the roof) but which the pest man never identified. It certainly gave me a huge appreciation of uninfested sleeping quarters which has stayed with me to this day. Congratulations and good luck in your bug-free life ...

Anonymous said...

Haha.

I have been living with bed begs since last yr. Thanks to them my room now has more space. I got rid of my bed and a lot of clutter. Room cleaning and vaccuming often too. They are so special I stay up til the wee hrs just to wait to see them. As long as I sit here, I turn to scan my room for these pests who so loves to sneak up on me.

I moved up to another level of insomnia (if there is such) just because of them. During the short hrs of sleep - I dream about them. They are now and have been a part of my life. Long invades the bedbugs.

Anonymous said...

is there any surefire cure?

i moved across country to get away from them - they ruined my life. i had an utter mental breakdown and i hear about case after case of people i know becoming infected with this atrocity.

how on earth can government permit this to happen and rely on citizens to shoulder the entire burden?

if DDT can't be legalized, then what?

i am just flabbergasted no advances in treatments have been made whatsoever. if mccain got bed bugs, we'd have a cure in 2 days.

it's every bit as awful as you've heard and worse.

Anonymous said...

it's so nice to hear that so many others have begun their decline into mental breakdown because of these charming little creatures. i'm just into a two months with them, treating with dust every day, and still...they come...i'm tired of serving dinner every night. no sleep is good sleep. what a nightmare, lol. forgive the pun.

Jenni said...

I am at my child hood home...shaking with terror at the thought of returning to NYC ...my roommate has texted me that she saw one walking toward here room. now I'm not exactly sure these are bedbugs...they look more like spiders but I really don't know. I've gone absolutely crazy and want to kill myself ...I'm considering leaving my wonderful city life and moving back to boring Long Island...I just hope that laundry was washed enough and that I didn't bring any with me. The rest of my stuff is in bags in my apartment and I'm not sure if I even want it...

My mom thinks the cleaning and spraying was enough but I know, if these are in fact bed bugs, it might not be over.

I'm scared.

Stacy Milson said...

If I wanted to get in touch with the author of this blog directly, how would I go about doing that?

Please email me at katzrule46@aol.com

Thanks

rebecca said...

Hahahahah hilarious... I had a huge problem with bedbugs in my upper west side NYC apartment and I have been struggling with this problem for months i literally cant sleep at night.. I spent over $1,600 trying to fix this problem. I finally called Empire Exterminating and they fixed my problem for under $350.. Great 24 hour service and most affordable and efficient bedbug exterminating company in NYC... this included 2 visits and a set of bedbug mattress protectors. If you mention their online coupon from there website http://www.EmpireExterminating.com you get the two mattress protectors for FREEEE

Anonymous said...

I find it hilarious to read about people "freaking out" because they saw one, might have seen one, or "might" have one in their clothing. Imagine looking near your headboard and finding a squirming MASS of hundreds of them. Good grief.

Anonymous said...

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Jan Weidenbach said...

wish you all the best in your new home. hopefuly bed bug free.

greetings from:bed bugs

Joseph Molluso said...

When hiring a bed bug exterminator always do your research.Many exterminators will represent them selves as bed bug experts. Make sure as a customer you do your due diligence. Research research research. Ask many questions, about guarantees, recommendations and always make sure the exterminator is licensed by the state. There is plenty of information out there and wonderful blogs like these to converse with others who have had a similar problem!