Hello and Goodbye

I haven't written for a while, and I can't really say that I've missed it.

I have, however, been thinking about this blog. Specifically, thinking about the start of the blog in 2005 and the blog now.

I started writing as a way to communicate with people. In some cases, it was my way of expressing myself without having to talk to anyone. Now, the world feels different. I am different. And I'm trying to figure out how to connect with and rebuild relationships in a direct way. There are people that I am missing, and it feels heavy, and a blog post isn't going to be a substitute for that contact.

I'm not sure what this means for this space. I do know that I need to time to figure it out.

It Starts Here

Officially offical! See countdown clock to the right. Now, as always, I am recruiting a partner in crime.

B and I have been motivating each other to go to the gym. (Read: B has been dragging my ass off the couch. I haven't physically resisted.)

Last night, I ran 1.5 miles (consecutively, yo!), follow by a series of sprints *and* was able to resist the mac n' cheese at Whole Foods in favor or something healthier.

I got paid today, so I was able to buy new running shoes and sign up for the half.

Life is pretty good.

The Neverending Story

I have a cold. Again. I think I picked it up from my little twin nephews, or maybe B and I are just passing it back and forth endlessly. Or can we, perhaps, attribute it to the vast fluctuations in temperature and my packed work schedule?

In any case, B's been dispatched to pick up chicken noodle soup, hot mustard, and Riccola. And I've blown my nose so much that my abdominal muscles are sore.

Christmukah was good. A non-event, really, what with the melding of holidays and the $20 limit that we put on gifts, and some other stuff. 2008 has been such a strange ride.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Think Again, Mom

Last night, I was on the phone with my mom, discussing holiday plans. It was about 8:30 at night, and I explained to her that I had just gotten home from work after a 12 hour day.

"Oh," she said, "is [B] making dinner?"

I replied that he was, and she was extremely impressed, because B really doesn't cook that much (read: left to his own devices, he eats cereal for most meals).

Little did she know we had Mac n' Cheese with a side of red wine for dinner.

Snippets

- We finally received our marriage license, so now I can officially change my personal name. And officially confuse myself even more.

- My office is having a client holiday party on Friday. Which means that I will at work from 9-10: setting up, transporting supplies, organizing gifts, and getting down like James Brown.

- B has suggested that, due to the above, I am Sheila E. (Bonus points for you if you get the reference.)

- I ordered MBT Kaya shoes online. They are supposed to improve circulation, posture, and muscle tone. I think I'll probably just fall down a lot more.

- I have "advanced tendonitis" in my left knee. Translation: I'm old.

Things Can Only Get Better

It must be emblamatic of the amount of sh*t that is going on right now that I can't even remember how to sign my name.

My last name changed in one life (personal) but not in the other (professional) and I haven't mastered either signature at this point - even after signing my (personal) name for the past, um, 30-something-ish years.

I think my brain/hand coordination is telling me that I don't know who I am.

Too Much

You'd think that going through a lot of big changes (say: marriage, new apartment, new job - for example) would lead to copious blog posting.

You would be wrong.

Feelin' Newsy

- Marriage/Wedding coming right up, in about 52 hours. Feeling really calm and happy, and about to head out the door to Bliss for a massage.

- Thank you, unidentified neighbor, for the free internets. All the last minute planning this week would have been impossible without it.

- My long-standing crush on Brian Williams might be over, due to his quasi-endorsement of McCain, which I discovered in AARP magazine while waiting for my therapy appointment today.

- Oh, and did I mention I'm going back to work on November 10th? No? I can't really even think about it until I get back.

- Honeymoon location remains a surprise (for me). Surprised that it has remained a surprise, given my predilection for snooping, and B's tendency to blurt.

- And in case I forget to tell you later, I had an awesome time at our wedding.

Bitz and Pieces

1. Had my first bridal shower this weekend with my relatives in Pennsylvania. Even though it was small (12 people) I was still flustered at being the center of attention. Also, I was very emotional, especially when receiving gifts that my grandmothers had made (they are both deceased).

Conclusion: I am going to be a soggy mess on my wedding day.

2. B and I are moving on October 15. Among our friends, this statement is met with "Cool! Where are you moving to?" and the answer is - we have no fucking idea. Apartments that are available on October 15 don't come up until October 1. So it's a big ole mystery to us. Which is kinda fun. Not.

Conclusion: This is not the excitement that we need 10 days before our wedding.

3. Instead of walking around in a perpetual rage re: Republicans, I can actually do something productive. Which might involve traveling to swing states to canvass undecided voters. How I'm going to fit that in with all the other stuff, I also have no fucking idea. But I think it might be more important than, say, obsessing over cocktail napkins.

Conclusion: I gotta do something.

4. September health month is going well, in that I haven't had any alcohol.

Conclusion: I picked a bad month to stop sniffing glue.

5. The Today Show is neither "news" or a "program".

Conclusion: Discuss amongst yourselves.

8.25.08

We're two months out from the BIG DAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Along with assembling the invitations, I've been doing a lot of thinking about job stuff. I know I need to go back to work, while also knowing that I cannot allow myself to be in a situation that makes me as physically and mentally sick as my last job. Does that mean a career outside of social work? I dunno.

(Oh, and about the invites? I don't know why I care so deeply about what they look like, or the wording, or any of the other things I'm reviewing over and over again. If I really wanted a reason, I guess I could just pick any one of the Freudian defense mechanisms and apply blindly.)

Suburbi-Ya!

This week finds B and I living in my parents' house while they are on vacation and our apartment is occupied by strangers. This is how it went down:
1. A woman who lives in our building is getting married and needs a place for her guests to stay.
2. We need to pay for our rehearsal dinner.
3. Only one of us is working.
4. Enter temporary sublet.

Also, we thought this would be a nice thing to do for someone. Good wedding karma, if you will. Plus, we are testing out this kind of life should we ever decide to leave the city.

So far - eh. We have plans in New York every night this week, which involves negotiating train schedules and car parking. It's almost too quiet to sleep here, and certainly way too dark. Plus, there's something a little...ooky...about staying in the house you grew up in. Lots of ghosts.

On the plus side, the dog is adapting wonderfully. He has a yard! To play ball! For hours! Without stopping!

I Back

I've returned to NYC, triumphant (?) and relaxed. Vacation was mostly wonderful, with a few bumps (there are only so many hours of the day in which I can discuss the minutiae of the wedding with my family before I am ready to stick my finger into an electrical socket).

The house we stayed in was amazing. 2 blocks from the bay beach on one side, 2 blocks from the ocean beach on the other side. A roof deck with views of both. Enough space to not feel like I was on vacation with my family.

My favorite moment of the week might have been B attempting to explain his choice of beach reading material to The Peanut (my 4 yo, niece). He was working his way through The Stranger. I believe The Peanut now has a thorough understanding of French existentialist philosophy.

For my part, I fell just a little bit more in love with my nephews, if that's possible. They're at that stage where they've started rolling over and making their first tries at crawling. And oh, the smiling. The smiling and laughing is the best thing in the world.

Our kid-centric week may have freaked B out a tad...and given me a jump on my future mother-in-law's questions regarding when we're going to start a family. I think we'll wait until after the wedding. Maybe.

I Out

I'm headed to the beach for a week.

Which will be waaaaaay different than my regular non-working activities.

Because it's the beach.

I Went To Graduate School For This

I've spent a supremely fulfilling morning sorting laundry, organizing closets, and writing wedding to-do lists.

Now I'm waiting for the exterminator to come check out the mystery bugs in our kitchen cabinets. (As long as the bugs aren't near the bed, it's ok with me. I mean, I don't welcome the kitchen bugs. But they're not as bad as, say, some other pests.)

The alternative to the housework is to venture outside in the heat *or* to venture outside and then back inside, just not in the apartment. Unfortunately, most of those plans involve spending money, which is scarce. Also, I'd have to interact with The Public, and I'm just not that into The Public right now.

I stick close to the home base, turning small errands into large ones, and finding new and interesting ways to obsess over things that really shouldn't be obsessed over.

And then pouncing on B and forcing him to entertain me as soon as he walks in the door.

So Far, So Good

On my first day of not working, I have:

- applied for unemployment
- drank a whole lot of coffee
- gone to the gym for an hour
- watched 2 episodes of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" (is that still on?)
- tried, and failed, to get tickets for the free Bon Jovi concert in Central Park (Livin' on a Prayer, yo!)
- tried, and failed, to guilt B into calling in sick to keep me company

Tomorrow, I am going to attempt to conquer the momentous task of going outside. Stay tuned.

Crowded Hizzouse

B and I went to see Crowded House at The Fillmore last night. They closed with this, which was quite lovely:



Only bad part of the night? B couldn't use his "UNcrowded House" joke, since it was a sold out show.

Not So Much Oy, Not So Much Vey

The update on Passover is...it's totally fine (as long as I can make chicken stock at some point this weekend). Got a recipe for matzoh ball soup from one friend, kuggel/kugel and charoset recipes on their way from two other friends...and I've notified B that it's his job to make the flourless chocolate cake.

The Lawyer will be coming (with a bottle of wine) to laugh at me share in the festivities.

One nagging worry: haven't heard from B's mom (whom I like to call 'The General') about her expectations for the day...so things might have to shift after that conversation.

Home

I was supposed to go to Pennsylvania this weekend with B (he's doing comedy shows there) but ended up staying in the city, due to dog care issues. (Read: there was no-one available to walk Stewbert.)

It's been kinda nice, having a (relatively) plan-free weekend. When you have no social activities, you make them yourself. By joining Facebook. And becoming obsessed with it.

Madness. Madness, I Tell You

Just back from a couple of days in the Jerz where I:

- decorated 16 cupcakes with specially tinted pink icing *and* finely chopped raisins that spelled 'EAT ME' (Alice in Wonderland birthday theme...don't ask.)
- was the special helper at pre-school for 16 hyperactive three and four year olds
- changed a gazillion diapers (approximately)
- played about 10 billion games of 'Naughty Barbie' (Ew, no, not like that. The 4 year old version. Pervs.)
- helped to make The Peanut a special birthday breakfast

and, last but not least,

- continued my unbroken streak of reverting to a surly teenager immediately upon spending more than an hour in my parent's home.

Adults

Last night, a small miracle took place in my apartment.

Here's how it went down: B and I had a slight disagreement on Sunday that we were able to calmly, coherently, and respectfully talk through. We both came out on the other side of the conversation feeling that we had been heard and understood, *and* that we were happy to have had said conversation.

There may be hope for emotional maturity yet.