At dinner last night, The Lawyer and I had a protracted discussion about romantic relationships, which somehow veered into past romantic relationships, then deteriorated into a lot of emphatic gesturing with chopsticks (which was strange since we were at an Italian restaurant). Somehow we got the conversation back on the right course (absurdity) and we developed a list of the ridiculous things that boys/men have said to me.
High School Boyfriend: 'Next year, you'll come back from Syracuse and we'll go to my Junior prom.' (he was two years younger than me).
Big Fat Baby Crier: 'BFBC was the boy that no-one wanted to play with.' (habit of refering to himself in the third person).
Mini: 'ridiculous, you're looking a little thick' (said while we were getting dressed to go out for Valentine's Day).
The Jammer: 'You've got me harder than Chinese algebra.' (no commentary possible here).
The Pledge Master: 'I promised my best friend I'd take her to my formal months ago, but I still want you to go, so I'll get one of my pledges to take you.' (best friend = girlfriend).
I'll be out tonight in Hell's Kitchen, looking to collect more lines...
Hmm... Sounds like you need to meet my friend, Betsey. Her most recent paramour told her that he loves her, but can never marry her, so he bought her a television. A year and a half ago, a man who we refer to as 'Nipplelicker' bought her an a/c unit, then devolved into a slimeball.
ReplyDeleteYou & Betsey could write quite a screenplay about all this...
Worst breakup line - "you know I've got another girlfriend now right?"
ReplyDelete