Schlump Day

My Wednesdays are CRAZY. CRAZY. I'm going to document it here so I can look back one day and just laugh and laugh and laugh.

5:47am: Awake to the soothing sounds of NPR and B. snoring
6:16am: Leave the house
6:30am: Arrive at gym, rock it out on the treadmill
7:15am: Back home, wake up still sleeping husband
8:30am: Subway, roll eyes at crowding and egregious violations of etiquette
9:00am: Arrive, psychoanalytic institute for advanced trauma training
1:00pm: Subway, roll eyes at crowding and egregious violations of etiquette
1:30pm: "Lunch"
1:45pm: Meeting with supervisor
3:00pm: Subway, roll eyes at crowding and egregious violations of etiquette
3:15pm: Arrive at work, two client appointments
6:15pm: Subway, roll eyes at crowding and egregious violations of etiquette
6:50pm: "Dinner"
7:00pm: Psychoanalytic institute client
8:00pm: Next psychoanalytic institute client
8:45pm: Walk to trivia
9:00pm: Arrive, Conker Hill for trivia
11:00pm: Win trivia
11:10pm: Bus ride home, roll eyes at crowding and egregious violations of etiquette
11:40pm: Pizza, garlic knots
11:45pm: Top Chef
12:30am: Sleep - sweet, sweet sleep

Being An Adult Can Be Fun!

Based upon an early morning visit to the internist, B. and I are developing a new song, tentatively titled "Poop On A Paper Plate (Plastic Spoon Remix)".

Sample lyric: "No I don't wanna go back in, don't wanna go back in, don't wanna go back in that bathroom".

This will be a follow-up to our previous hit, "Downwind At Urine Park".

Trust me, it's going to sweep the nation.

Knuckle Sandwich / Knucklehead

You know it's going to be an interesting day when you manage to bite your own finger, so hard that you cause a buise, while you're eating breakfast.

The Definition of 'Healthy' Is Broad

Yesterday morning, towards the end of an exercise class at New York Sports Club, the instructor told us to "do something good for yourselves today - drink lots of water, take a walk, and eat something healthy!".

My interpretation of that directive was to go to a bar, watch Syracuse basketball, drink beer, and eat chicken wings.

How To Be An Awesome Newlywed, Part 2

1. Register for a half marathon.
2. Realize that the only training time your schedule will allow is mornings before work.
3. Set the alarm clock for 5:47 am.
4. Unintentionally wake your husband up at that time.
5. Go running.
6. Return to your apartment.
7. Intentionally wake your husband up by loudly proclaiming your awesomeness.
8. Ask for (and give) many enthusiastic high-fives.
9. Refuse to believe that he could possibly be tired.
10. Engage in more discussions about your awesomeness.
11. Repeat, repeat, repeat.